So Crates was a Classical Greek philosopher between the years of 469 BC and 399 BC. Shortly thereafter, he decided to live out his remaining years as a corpse. Right before his dramatic change of occupation, So Crates uttered these historic last words to his friend, Crito, "Crito, we owe a cock to Asclepius. Please, don't forget to pay the debt." That debt was paid off in full.
While such information is readily available at your local internet and is already well-known and studied by caffeine-driven, moustache-toting scholars (read: unemployed), one major facet of So Crate's life has remained a mystery for countless hours. Considered to be lost to the ages, this information had been well-sought after and tormented many who tried finding it.
However, mere hours ago, archeologists have uncovered what they believe to hold the key to unlocking the lock-box that is So Crate's secret. Tonight, for the first time ever, So Crate's hidden life will be revealed to the public. So Crates was...the Original Squirtle. Find out more on this exciting discovery after our break.
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